98% positive that when starting my journey eight years ago, I would have a six-pack by now. Isn’t looking good the reason people workout? I mean screw the rest of it, if I look good, I’ll feel good. It just makes sense. Well, Vanessa eight years ago may be disheartened to learn that even on my flattest-stomach days, at most I have what may resemble an ab or two, but definitely no six-pack. And honestly, I’m cool with it. I am here for the (mental) gainz, and everything else is secondary. I also really enjoy tortillas, so that may be a factor.

No lie, it is rewarding as heck to see the ol vanity muscles make an appearance. But without proper maintenance (diet and exercise), they can become less prominent, leaving you (me) feeling like I somehow messed up, and I need to cut calories asap. 

This happened to me last year. One day I decided I didn’t like eating 1700/day calories, and gradually bumped it to 2000/day. It was great, I wasn’t going hungry all day! But alas, sadness would soon ensue. My defined back muscles, my pride and joys, became slowly less pronounced. Still there, just less distinguished. I was devastated. How could I think eating more would be ok? I have turned into a slob! (I struggle with my inner voice being a bitch.) And the worst part? I couldn’t fix it overnight, no matter how “sustainably low” I dropped my calories. All at once, the bad feelings I’ve worked so hard to fight off, came back. I was grouchy with my husband and kids, and negative self talk started creeping back in.

The negative self talk is where I draw the line. If I am saying these awful things inside my head, its a matter of time before they spew out of my mouth, in front of my children. And I have worked so hard to show my kids that I love and accept myself, that I’m not about to undo it over a few pounds and hidden muscles. So, how can you stop shit talking inside your own head?

I wish there was a magic spell I could read and VOILA! No more negative thoughts. That I could wake up every day, grateful for the body I am in, and everything it can do. Instead, I am left with a bottle of anxiety pills and positive affirmations stuck all over my bathroom mirror.

I’ve made great mental progress since that day. Last night i saw a picture of myself that I didn’t *love* and immediately thought CUT! But after a second, I remembered that I am comfortable with my weight, and I am stronger and faster than I was last year. 

So yeah, my stomach may not be as sleek as I would like, but Vanessa last year was GASSED during the sprint drag carry, and Vanessa this year is killing it! (You should probably peep my insta for my SDC video.)

Vanity muscles are great and beautiful and I still love them. But I also feel that maintaining a healthy *sustainable* lifestyle is far more important for my kids to see, than my having a six pack.